Was I too gentle on the staggeringly mediocre Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in my review of the film on Friday?

After reading this extraordinary evisceration of the movie, every single point of which I agree with, I am beginning to think I was!  If you’ve seen the movie, you MUST follow that link.  It is hilarious.

I was pretty forgiving when I saw Michael Bay’s first Transformers movie in theatres for the first time, two summers ago.  Sure, it had its flaws, but nevertheless it was just an enormous amount of fun to see a live-action Transformers movie realized, complete with amazing over-the-top Michael Bay-style mayhem.

Even through my enjoyment, though, it was clear to me that this wouldn’t be a movie that would hold up well upon subsequent viewings.  (And, indeed, when I watched Transformers on DVD last year I was much less captivated that I had been that first time seeing it on the big screen.)  I immediately began to think of Michael Bay’s Transformers as a movie just like Independence Day — a sci-fi action spectacle that was a TON of fun to see in a packed theatre on an enormous screen, but one that would be hobbled, upon repeat viewings, by the simplicity (and often-times stupidity) of its script.

So what did I think of the recently-released sequel, Revenge of the Fallen? Well, to an astonishing degree, it has exactly the same strengths and weaknesses that the first film had.

As in the first film, Bay’s ability to stage enormously complex, epic action sequences filled with intense, visceral robot-on-robot combat is pretty jaw-dropping.  These movies look EXPENSIVE.  There’s no trickery used to hide a limited effects budget.  No, what we get are wall-to-wall chases, explosions, exotic locales, and a staggering array of CGI characters (mostly beating the stuffing out of one another).

Also as in the first film, sadly, there is a lot of annoying, unfunny attempts at comedy that feels like time-wasting to me.  And, as in the first film, I was constantly frustrated by the movie’s unwillingness to allow us to get to know any of the robot characters other than Prime and Bumblebee to any sort of degree.  There are an ENORMOUS number of robots in these films — and it’s a strength of Bay’s that he is unafraid to think BIG — but it’s a terrible shame that I couldn’t tell most of them apart from one another, and even if I could, I didn’t get a chance to know or care about any of them one whit.

Let’s flesh out the above statements a little bit.  (Some minor spoilers ahead.)

There were definitely a lot of things I liked about Revenge of the Fallen.  There were so many robots of so many different shapes and sizes, that it was a lot of fun to keep seeing what new robot would be in the next scene.  I particularly enjoyed getting to see Soundwave this time (who was utilized very well by the story, by the way — very “in character” for Soundwave — and I was THRILLED that he was voiced by Frank Welker, the original voice from the cartoon).  I also really enjoyed seeing Ravage (the Decepticon who takes the form of a jaguar).  I also think the great Tony Todd (Worf’s brother Kurn from Star Trek: The Next Generation) was a terrific choice to voice the Decepticon master, “the Fallen.”

As noted above, the action sequences are plentiful, and they are spectacular.  Optimus Prime gets a lot more time in this film to mix it up with a variety of Decepticons — it was great getting to really see just why he is the Autobots’ greatest warrior.  The fights are bone-crunching and very intense, and the visuals are just gorgeous.

But I was totally confounded by the complete lack of development given to all the rest of the robots (particularly the Autobots).  OK, we get to spend more time with Bumblebee, but he doesn’t really have much to do in the story, other than drive Sam (Shia LeBoeuf) around all the time.  The only other Autobots that get any sort of screen time are two new charcters, two “twins” that are terribly annoying, not to mention being horribly offensive, lowest-common-denominator African-American “ghetto” stereotypes.  Just terrible.  We get no time at all with the rest of the Autobots.  C’mon!  I wanted a LOT more time spent with Prime’s core “command team” — Ironhide, Ratchet, Prowl, etc.  Why couldn’t some of THOSE guys have been the ones to accompany Sam, Mikaela (Megan Fox), etc. on their adventure?  How could we not get even a brief scene to show those Autobots’ reactions to Prime getting taken out in the middle of the film?  That’s a failure of storytelling, and very disappointing.  I was really hoping that, in the sequel, these characters (who were so central in the original cartoon) would get some attention.

Speaking of failures of storytelling, as with the original (and as with almost all of the big-budget films that have been released this summer) where this film falls down is with the script.  Oh, there’s plenty of story, don’t get me wrong.  It’s just that none of it makes a lick of sense if you stop to think about it even for a moment.  The whole idea of the Fallen having landed on Earth — the SAME PLANET where the all-important Allspark landed in the first movie — is an astounding (and ridiculous) coincidence.  Further stretching my disbelief:  Sam just happened to never notice an enormous shard of the Allspark in his sweater for the past TWO YEARS??  The Fallen hid their enormous sun-eating machine right in the center of one of the Egyptian pyramids?  (Haven’t, you know, one or two archaeologists taken a look at those pyramids over the years??)  If Energon can be created by a machine, then why go to all the trouble of finding the one from thousands of years ago — why don’t the Autobots or Decepticons just build another machine?  If the original Primes all sacrificed themselves, thousands of years ago, to defeat the “evil” Prime (the Fallen), then where did Optimus Prime come from?  Just why can only one Prime defeat another?  Just when did the elderly robot Jetfire get to Earth, and what the heck has he been doing all of this time?  (How did he wind up in a museum, anyways???)  I could go on and on.

In the end, the movie doesn’t really have any soul.  The action is amazing, sure.  And the filmmakers do have the right idea about taking the action and intensity up a few notches here in the sequel, and trying to push our heroes into a more desperate place.  But because we haven’t been given a chance to get to know or invest in any of the characters, those moments feel hollow — because we don’t really care!  There’s no emotion when robot x gets taken out, because if one can even tell which robot that is (often an impossibility), then it doesn’t really matter because one don’t have any emotional attachment anyways.

As I said at the beginning, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has, down the line, almost exactly the same strengths and weaknesses as its predecessor.  It’s just that I’m much less forgiving this time around.  A sequel has to improve on the original — otherwise what’s the point?

I still really love the Transformers — I have ever since I was a kid.  Despite the silliness of the very concept, and of so much of the original cartoon series (when seen through adult eyes), I really do believe that the right people could make an awesome live-action Transformers movie, one that is fun and exciting as well as emotionally engaging.  I just haven’t seen it yet.

Big dumb summer movie trailer alert!  It’s the new trailer for Transformers 2, filled with lots of robot smashing action, and the new trailer for G.I. Joe, filled with Ninjas and, um, Eiffel Tower smashing action!  Sigh.  Hard to believe these two iconic and beloved cartoons of my youth are both now big-budget blockbuster movies coming out this summer.  Wouldn’t it be amazing if there were both really awesome?  Isn’t it sort of sad to know that they definitely won’t be?

For a peek at a movie that might actually be good, click here to check out District 9, the new sci-fi flick directed by Neill Blomkamp and executive produced by Peter Jackson (The Lord of The Rings).  Color me intrigued.

Keeping up with the trailers, here’s a glimpse at the new film from Francis Ford Coppola, Tetro.  I never saw his last film, the critically-demolished Youth Without Youth, but this looks really interesting.  It’s a new film from Francis Ford Coppola!  Of course it looks interesting!

Did you know that Robert Rodriguez is working on a new Predator film??  If it happens, it’ll be called Predators (in a clever nod to James Cameron’s sequel to Alien, entitled Aliens).  Check out the tantalizing details here.  I need to see this movie RIGHT NOW.

So it’s been ten years since The Phantom Menace, huh?  Here’s an interesting look back.  I agree with this fellow’s thoughts about the two Phantom Menace trailers (among the finest trailers ever crafted), but I certainly don’t think anywhere nearly as highly of that dreadful turd of a movie as he does.  (You can read my memories of first seeing Episode I in theatres here, and my thoughts on the movie looking back almost a decade later here.)

Did you not have enough Star Trek content here on the site for the past two weeks?  Then check out this great piece from the Onion A.V. Club: “Space Racism is Bad and 17 Other Not-So-Subtle Lessons Learned From Star Trek.”  If you’ve never seen it before, you MUST scroll down to the clip of William Shatner’s Kirk reading the Preamble to U.S. Constitution in selection #12, from the absurd Trek episode The Omega Glory.  ”WE… the… PEOPLE… not written for thekingsorthechiefsortherichorthepowerful but for ALLTHEPEOPLE!”  Classic Shatnerian magnificence. 

Since seeing J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek film, I’ve been enjoying reading all the different reactions on-line and in the press.  I always enjoy Alexandra DuPont’s film reviews when they appear (not often enough to suit me) on aintitcoolnews.com, and her take on the new film is well worth your time.  (I remember well — and agree with entirely — her spot-on evisceration of Star Trek: Nemesis, which she quotes at the start of her review.)  Star Trek author William Leisner (who wrote a terrific novella in Pocket Books’ recent Myriad Universes series, reviewed by yours truly here) has a terrific opposite take, giving a right-on-the-money account of all the problematic plot holes in the film.  Trek author Geoff Trowbridge (who also wrote an installment in Myriad Universes) has a similarly interesting take.  My own views (click here if you missed my full review) are somewhat in the middle.  I share a lot of Ms. DuPont’s love for the film, but my enjoyment was lessened by all the plot holes that Mr. Leisner and Mr. Trowbridge list.  

That’s all for today — See you back here tomorrow!

I don’t think I’m the only child of the eighties who was deeply affected by Transformers: The Movie.

I’m not talking about the Michael Bay CGI effects-O-rama, but the animated spin-off of the Transformers TV show that hit the big screen in 1986.

I actually never saw Transformers: The Movie in theatres.   I took notice of it when two things happened:   1) I started seeing ads for a lot of new Transformers toys, and 2) suddenly the Transformers TV show started featuring a lot of new robots.   (The second season of the show took place after the movie, and featured all the new characters introduced in the film.)

But I do remember when I finally saw Transformers: The Movie on video. I was blown away by the incredible animation (worlds better than the show), the violence (the whole first 40 minutes are one long extended battle sequence – and suddenly the laser blasts that each of the robots fired actually did damage!), and the rather merciless way in which all of the beloved characters from the show are wiped out – including, most notoriously, Optimus Prime himself.   I didn’t weep – but boy was I stunned!

Looking back on the movie today, there’s a lot that doesn’t hold up.   I recognize how the story points (killing off the old characters and introducing lots of new ones) were driven by the need to sell new toys.   The animation – so spectacular to me as a kid – looks a bit dodgy to older eyes.   The second half of the movie is rather boring.   (And what the heck is up with the Weird Al song that all the characters suddenly start dancing to on the planet of junk???)

But I still have a lot of affection for Transformers: The Movie. For whatever reason I still really love those characters, and the writers/animators/etc. were able to wring a lot of gravitas out of the way those characters were put through hell and back in the midst of what was, in the end, a 90-minute toy commercial.   I had a lot of fun seeing Michael Bay’s Transformers movie in the theatre for the 1st time last summer.   But I think that movie would have a much longer shelf life if it had half as much emotion as Transformers: The Movie from 1986.

I thought 2007 was a tremendous year for movies. Here are just a handful of terrific ‘07 flicks that I saw: Eastern Promises, The Darjeeling Limited, Grindhouse, Knocked Up, Superbad, The Simpsons Movie, The Mist, Gone Baby Gone, Margot at the Wedding, 300, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Juno, Charlie Wilson’s War, Ratatouille…I could go on and on.

And yet my recollection is that 2007 saw one of the most disappointing crop of big-budget summer movies in recent memory.   Other than a couple of the comedies mentioned above (Knocked Up, Superbad, and The Simpsons Movie), I found myself continually disappointed by practically every single summer flick I saw.   Those include:

Spider-Man 3 – What a disaster.   I’ve been mocking it for two weeks on this site, and we have barely plumbed the depths of my disappointment.   The first hour is pretty good (well, except for the whole Harry-has-amnesia thing), but then it just all falls to pieces.   Peter Parker combs his bangs over his forehead to show that us he’s evil.   Sandman agrees to help Venom kill Spider-Man for no reason whatsoever (an act made even more ridiculous considering that the whole first half of the movie bent over backwards to show us that Sandman is really an OK guy just trying to help his daughter).   That awful, awful dance number.   The way Gwen Stacy’s character is completely forgotten about.   That awful, awful dance number.   Ugh.

Shrek 3 –Mildly entertaining at best.

Transformers – Very much like ID4 to me — Big and dumb.   Like ID4, it was a ton of fun to see in the theatre for the first time – lots of eye-candy explosions, lots of great “audience cheering” moments – I would be dishonest if I claimed it wasn’t a blast.   But I really wish the movie was a bit smarter.   Optimus and the gang acting like idiots trying to hide around Spike Witwicky’s house (“my bad”) is kind of like Jeff Goldblum using his Mac powerbook to download a virus into the alien mothership’s computer.   I can’t see myself re-watching this too many times.

Pirates of the Caribbean 3 – I really didn’t like Pirates of the Caribbean 1 or Pirates of the Caribbean 2, so I’m not sure what I was expecting.

Die Hard IV – To me, Live Free or Die Hard is kind of like The Godfather Part III. Hang on, bear with me.   I have always defended The Godfather Part III. My assertion is that if it had some other title, people would think it was a pretty decent gangster flick.   Not amazing, but enjoyable.   But because it’s the Godfather Part III, viewers compare it to the masterpieces that are the first two Godfather films…and of course Part III isn’t even close.   I feel the same way about Die Hard IV. If this had some other name, we’d think it was an OK action flick.   But calling it Die Hard is a big mistake.   Because there really, to me, is nothing that makes this a Die Hard film, other than that Bruce Willis’ character is named John McClane.   I just didn’t get any of the claustrophobic, race-against-time, one man against the world feel of Die Hard. And when people like me went in expecting Die Hard, they were disappointed.

Now, I am very excited for summer 2008.   Iron Man.   Indy.   Batman: The Dark Knight.   The X-Files.   The Incredible Hulk.   The Happening.   Get Smart.   Wall-E.   The Pineapple Express.   Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Those are some big movies, with a lot of potential.   Will summer 2008 like up to expectations more than summer 2007?   We’ll all find out soon enough!